tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-87400184047007918282024-02-08T05:31:27.895-08:00Sam MusingSamuelLynnEvanshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07612549713316243322noreply@blogger.comBlogger24125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8740018404700791828.post-19426710209530604162011-12-28T08:04:00.000-08:002011-12-28T09:11:29.762-08:00Autistic FredAutistic Fred watched 'Rainman'<br />
And thought that we would be good at maths.<br />
<br />
He booked 2 tickets to Vegas,<br />
But was rubbish.<br />
<br />
In 6 games of 21,<br />
He Lost all his family's money<br />
And a cat.<br />
<br />SamuelLynnEvanshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07612549713316243322noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8740018404700791828.post-78883902600664858962011-12-28T07:54:00.000-08:002011-12-28T08:06:47.285-08:00Camilla the CougarCamilla the Cougar<br />
Invited Mike the young man<br />
To come over<br />
To help her<br />
Move some boxes.<br />
<br />
He arrived and bent down to lift the first box<br />
And his perk buttucks poking in the air<br />
Made Camilla salivate<br />
Amylase.<br />
<br />
Oooo, not like that,<br />
Said Camilla, You'll get too hot<br />
Take that shirt off...<br />
And Mike, none the wiser, obliged.<br />
<br />
Mike then lifted the second box,<br />
Ooooo, not like that,<br />
Said Camilla, You might rip those tight trousers,<br />
Take them off...<br />
And Mike, none the wiser, obliged.<br />
<br />
Mike moved the final box,<br />
And half-naked, he turned to Camilla,<br />
Who now had amylase dripping all down the side of her mouth.<br />
<br />
He looked into Camilla's eyes,<br />
He saw the lustful look on her face,<br />
And he knew now that Camilla<br />
Hadn't just invited him over only to 'move the boxes'...<br />
<br />
So he went and moved some of the heavier crates aswell.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
And then had sex with her.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />SamuelLynnEvanshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07612549713316243322noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8740018404700791828.post-62739519774712711852011-12-23T13:40:00.000-08:002011-12-23T13:40:26.191-08:00Arrogant BenBen chuckled at a point I made<br />
And declared,<br />
'You know Sam,<br />
We're not too different you and I'<br />
Which I personally thought<br />
Was a pretty arrogant thing to say.SamuelLynnEvanshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07612549713316243322noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8740018404700791828.post-58035325636071396492011-12-15T04:27:00.001-08:002011-12-15T04:27:44.143-08:00Fat World<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
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<b><br /></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Fat brothers,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Fat mothers,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Fat lovers<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Fat smothered<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Everything, Everyone<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Fat world.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Eat the jam.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Then eat your way out of a jam.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Eat brothers<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Eat their lovers<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Eat their lover’s mothers<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Grab more, Grow tall<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Eat the kid making Nike shoes in<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">The factory’s walls.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Eat them all<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">After all<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">It’s fat world.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Don’t take one, take four<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Take the bigger house with the bigger door<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">The bigger porch with the bigger floor<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">On the bigger beach with the better shore<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">The answer’s always in eating more<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">So collect the fat by being bold<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">And keep collecting til your old<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Then win, and die with lots of fat<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">In fat world.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<!--EndFragment-->SamuelLynnEvanshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07612549713316243322noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8740018404700791828.post-17117035070204818032011-12-12T06:25:00.000-08:002011-12-31T07:05:41.942-08:00The housewife Julie<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">The housewife Julie<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Put on some techno<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">And took some crystal meth<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">There was only 5 hours before Peter
returned,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">The house was a tip.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">‘He will be livid!’, she panicked.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span><br />
<span lang="EN-US">So she started doing what she could,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Indeed whatever she could muster<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Dusting books, dusting wood,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">She even dusted a duster.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">There was only 4 hours now.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Julie took another line of crystal meth,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">And put on some more techno,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">A more underground variety this time,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Proper minimal.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">2 hours now<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">She ran around the house some more<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">1 hour now<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">She took some more meth<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">0 hours now!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Peter arrived into his home<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">‘What a mess!’ he thought,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Looking at his overdosing wife on the sofa…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">‘Not again.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>SamuelLynnEvanshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07612549713316243322noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8740018404700791828.post-83608747635948923392011-12-09T13:20:00.001-08:002011-12-11T15:57:45.577-08:00The Set UpThe whole thing had been a right palava,<br />
And Mark couldn't help but turn to Tara,<br />
and ask her<br />
'Why, oh why Tara,<br />
is every girl you set me up with<br />
A complete bloody dog?'<br />
<br />
'But Mark...' said Tara,<br />
'No no Tara, don't even start here<br />
I mean, was this a joke?<br />
I mean, I'm not a bad looking bloke?<br />
'Well' said Tara, 'I know'<br />
But before you continue,<br />
You could at least wait for her to leave'<br />
<br />
At which, Mark turned to his now crying blind date,<br />
'Sorry dear' Said Mark,<br />
'Nothing personal...<br />
This is Tara's fault if anything.'<br />
<br />SamuelLynnEvanshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07612549713316243322noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8740018404700791828.post-50912612730424282322011-12-09T06:14:00.001-08:002011-12-09T06:15:23.357-08:00Alkene LoveIf I were to compare my love<br />
To an Alkene,<br />
I would not have much to say.<br />
Because an alkene is a complex molecule<br />
And you are simple<br />
A simple whore.<br />
Infact<br />
I don't even like you.SamuelLynnEvanshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07612549713316243322noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8740018404700791828.post-10725041260262074112011-12-09T05:21:00.001-08:002011-12-09T15:50:46.455-08:00TonyTony the builder entered the greasy spoon caff,<br />
'I'll av a bacon n' egg saunie please darlin'<br />
'Would you like that with ciabatta?' enquired the attendant,<br />
To which Tony replied; 'Na, I'm alright for coffee thanks luv'SamuelLynnEvanshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07612549713316243322noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8740018404700791828.post-34514115287617062782011-12-08T15:49:00.001-08:002011-12-09T06:55:07.313-08:00PretentiousDaphne is one of those fancy dames<br />
She sits in one of those fancy restaurants<br />
With one of those fancy names<br />
Like 'la creme de la sais'<br />
She is the pretentious type<br />
As is the restaurant in which she so smugly resides<br />
You know the kind,<br />
Where all the mains, desserts, and sides<br />
Are written in French<br />
And the waiter speaks it too,<br />
So it can't be understood<br />
By the lowly likes of me nor you.<br />
Pretentious farts,<br />
Though admittedly Daphne is<br />
In France.SamuelLynnEvanshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07612549713316243322noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8740018404700791828.post-2149796558567148402011-12-05T07:26:00.001-08:002011-12-06T04:13:52.571-08:00Ms. AvenicciA vuxen wench,<br />
The young student Ms. Avenicci<br />
Sat at the front of her biology lecture on birds.<br />
Professor Lazarus tapped his mouse<br />
Clickety-click.<br />
Clickety-click.<br />
The next powerpoint slide appeared<br />
'The study of Great Tits', it read.<br />
<br />
'But Sir,<br />
I already know all about those'<br />
Ms. Avenicci joked<br />
And how the class did laugh.<br />
'Why, yes you do,' Lazarus chuckled.<br />
"Why... yes, yes, you do.'<br />
<br />
But it was to be his last laugh for some time,<br />
As Ms. Avenicci got him fired for sexual harassment.<br />
<br />
<br />SamuelLynnEvanshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07612549713316243322noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8740018404700791828.post-14353254433525415322011-12-05T06:03:00.001-08:002011-12-05T06:06:34.952-08:00Love in BloodI am your carbon monoxide<br />
In this thick blood love lake<br />
You are my haemoglobin.<br />
<br />
As many Oxygen try to have their way<br />
I stride<br />
Binding to your Fe+ Ion<br />
(Because I have 200 times the binding power)<br />
<br />
Together we become one<br />
Together we are inseparable<br />
We are fated<br />
And destined<br />
To become carboxihaemoglobin<br />
<br />SamuelLynnEvanshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07612549713316243322noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8740018404700791828.post-3585200942700232272011-12-05T05:45:00.001-08:002011-12-05T05:59:58.902-08:00Shabby DogShabby Dog paws the glass<br />
Then proceeds to pause<br />
And Bark;<br />
'Grant me entry to your home!<br />
For I do not wish<br />
To be left<br />
Alone'<br />
<br />
Shabby dog is manic though contented soon<br />
As soon as freed from this wet afternoon.<br />
<br />
I let him in and so simply his mood changes fast<br />
As how happily he now sits on this side of the glass.<br />
<br />
'Life is good,'<br />
He looks into the fog,<br />
'Life is good,'<br />
I envy the dog.<br />
<br />
<br />SamuelLynnEvanshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07612549713316243322noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8740018404700791828.post-28283797741666994342011-12-05T05:00:00.001-08:002011-12-07T14:58:23.404-08:00Jungle HippoI met a hippo in the jungle,<br />
He ate my sandwich.<br />
I asked him why,<br />
He said he was hungry.<br />
I said you know what mr. hippo,<br />
You're a no good cliche.<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, 'san serif'; font-size: x-small;"><br /></span>SamuelLynnEvanshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07612549713316243322noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8740018404700791828.post-40337203393665796562011-12-05T04:39:00.001-08:002011-12-08T06:26:59.963-08:00Strange LoveI'd split up with mine,<br />
She with Hers.<br />
Her boyfriend had been a pig,<br />
Mine, a shrew that I could not tame.<br />
United by pain,<br />
Over our seperate break-ups,<br />
Penny and I became much closer.<br />
<br />
As with many good things,<br />
It started simply,<br />
Tea and TV,<br />
Where conversation was quaint,<br />
And acted as diversion from the pain<br />
Our former loves had left us...<br />
<a name='more'></a>And so for a while<br />
We would flick between the Olympics and Jeremy Kyle,<br />
And laugh at the contrast<br />
Between two poles of the human race,<br />
And I would sudden see her face<br />
Begin to glow, our eyes would catch<br />
As I now felt meaning<br />
In previously meaningless contacts.<br />
The brush of her leg made me think<br />
I noticed extended hand-touching in passings of drink<br />
And one night late as we lay<br />
We realised we had more than simply words to say<br />
But feelings<br />
To release our sorrowed, clenched fists,<br />
We kissed.<br />
<br />
I awoke the next day and left,<br />
Scared of theft<br />
Of a healthy relationship,<br />
Scared of change, of what it meant,<br />
But as soon as I missed her,<br />
I knew I had to go back<br />
Besides I had nowhere else to go<br />
Nowhere else was home.<br />
And though it was awkward<br />
As we restarted the TV,<br />
The night naturally began to end more frequently<br />
With us together.<br />
<br />
And so a relationship came to bloom<br />
Where we sang a lover's song,<br />
And of course it was not too long<br />
Before our tight circle's of friends would call<br />
And say you two? But that's so wrong!<br />
She's your sister!'<br />
<br />
And they'd say 'despite your affection,<br />
Your love is reducing gene variability for natural selection!<br />
<br />
There's this fact that she's your sister,<br />
And I shan't forgive your insolence'<br />
And I'd say fact that she's my sister,<br />
Or merely trivial coincidence... ?<br />
<br />
So now I write this explanation<br />
With no hesitation<br />
In saying I shall have no regrets<br />
Even as I sit writing in jail<br />
For multiple accounts of incest<br />
Love is true when it's blind,<br />
Love does not discriminate kind,<br />
You loved a girl and then you kissed,<br />
You leave her and you miss her,<br />
Well friends, love is just the same for me<br />
Except my love is for my sister.<br />
<br />SamuelLynnEvanshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07612549713316243322noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8740018404700791828.post-10861453839650810632011-12-04T16:47:00.001-08:002011-12-05T06:33:33.174-08:00Dinner With The Johnsons'Baked Beans...' Said John<br />
'What?' Said Tracey<br />
'B-B-Baked Beans,' Said John<br />
'What?' Said Tracey<br />
'BLOODY BAKED BEANS!<br />
FOR DINNER AGAIN TRACEY'<br />
And smashed his plate against the wall.<br />
'But you made dinner John,'<br />
'I know,' He said.<br />
'And that's the saddest part.'<br />
<br />SamuelLynnEvanshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07612549713316243322noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8740018404700791828.post-17512965470146679122011-12-03T09:28:00.001-08:002011-12-05T05:21:40.581-08:00We walk sidewaysTo time, we are nothing,<br />
To monsters, we are monsters<br />
To crabs, we walk sideways<br />
<br />
To oak trees, we are rushed<br />
To ants, we are lazy<br />
To crabs, we have too many fingers<br />
<br />
"Oh Man of Earth" The crab did ask<br />
"why do you so walk sideways and hath so many fingers?"<br />
And The Man of Earth said,<br />
<br />
Shutup Crab.<br />
You Crab.<br />
<br />
And served him with some linguine and lemon,<br />
Following a recipe from Nigella.com<br />
<br />SamuelLynnEvanshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07612549713316243322noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8740018404700791828.post-52686158148315372212011-12-01T07:25:00.000-08:002011-12-05T05:15:40.913-08:00Definitely Not Addicted To SkyrimImpressed by their big budget film trailer-esque adverts, last week I went out and brought a copy of <i>The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim </i>for<i> </i>Playstation 3.<br />
<br />
Well that's not quite true actually, for even if the advert had been a man pretending to slightly part the sky before proceeding to vigorously lick the imaginary crack he had created (hence sky-rimming), I still would have gone out and brought that game for sure. In mildly ashamed honesty, I will confess to the possession of odd thirsts that cannot be addressed by anything we have in this world, to thirsts which are instead quenched only by dragon's blood, levelling up, and 100 or more hours of talking to medieval villagers.<br />
<br />
<a name='more'></a>Only one search of Skyrim in google will reveal that it is creating more addicts than cocaine could ever hope to. After a little reading myself, I found my favourite story of Skyrim Addiction (link at bottom), which describes a woman who loses her boyfriend to the game. In seemingly counter intuitive fashion she decides to attempt a rescue by providing him with pizzas and other oral pleasures, the whole while with him remaining glued to his computer screen. Sometimes it is in such counter intuitive methods that humanity's greatest success stories lie; their genius lying in the originality of thought. However here I'm sure she probably didn't aid her cause particularly, and it will only be a matter of time before the boyfriend is called upon to slay another dragon, and another of her 'services' is called upon to relieve the nerves such battles tend to create.<br />
<br />
On the other hand, I am not addicted to Skyrim and don't get the fuss. Definitely. Well perhaps a little addicted, though it's hard to tell as I'm still wearing my ring of minor denial. Sure, I play it from the moment I wake up to the moment I go to sleep. At 5am. But is that an addiction? The definition of addiction is 'a persistent, compulsive dependence on a behaviour or substance', I can put skyrim down at any time I want, but that's not an issue as I never want to. More importantly, the truth is just that Skyrim is my favourite option for my free time at the moment... If I weren't playing skyrim, I simply would be wasting my time some other way, you know like by watching television, or youtube, or returning people's calls, or meeting real people, or eating, or drinking water... and basically all those other kinds of ridiculous things that society tells us '<i>we're supposed to do</i>'.<br />
<br />
Well I live in a new society now friends, and I'm pretty bloody wealthy and am the leader of the thieves guild. And if having all of that is called being 'addicted', well then mister, I guess you can just go ahead and call me it.<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span><br />
(link) http://nz.answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20111113003949AAIlk3Q<br />
<br />
<br />SamuelLynnEvanshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07612549713316243322noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8740018404700791828.post-13698874920120952242011-11-30T15:16:00.000-08:002011-12-05T05:15:55.687-08:00A MemoryToday a memory of a night I spent homeless and tent-less in an immense storm skipped to mind, and a smile slipped across my lips for several seconds. For all the better memories we pursue, it can often be the worse ones we remember most fondly.<br />
<br />SamuelLynnEvanshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07612549713316243322noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8740018404700791828.post-38492270255152109732011-11-03T11:14:00.000-07:002011-12-05T05:16:18.145-08:00Larry Lizzard (pt 1.)Larry's mother had never said 'you are what you eat', as she felt it was misleading. To her recollection she'd never seen someone turn into a hamburger, or a carrot dipped in humous per say. She deemed instead that men (and women) were defined by their actions, that they became what they did, that in fact, you are what you do. This ethos was drilled into Larry from a tender age, through to his early pubic years and through to where we join him now, at a less tender and more (if not fully) pubic age of 21, lying asleep in his university house.<br />
<br />
<br />
<a name='more'></a><br />
A pleasant 8-bit chirp sounded in Larry's room, it was the exact sound you would've heard when Mario jumped into a box containing a coin back on the super nintendo. Larry had set this noise as his text message ringtone, finding it to deliver a welcomed, albeit feint, injection of nostalgia and peace with every text he received. Unfortunately, nearly every text he received was from his mother, which was in part due to him only having few friends, and in part due simply to the sheer number of texts he would receive from his mother each day. Larry lazily turned in his bed to reach for his phone, a brief though happy image of a jumping mario faded from his mind and his eyes glazed across another message from his mother, "just a gentle reminder", it read "...You are what you do".<br />
<br />
Larry's mother was clearly insane. Perhaps having had numerous failures in her own life, she'd felt the need to project them upon her only son, where here the constant messaging and scolding comprised some vein effort to drill an attitude into him that perhaps she had lacked during critical moments in her own life. However, if insanity is not hereditary, it is at least environmentally triggered, and living in it's presence for so many years is sure to leave it's mark on it's guests. Larry had been somewhat of a guest in the house of his mother's insanity for near 22 years now, and there could be no doubt that he too was beginning to show his quirks. One can only wonder now, looking back, if given the choice to have lived a normal life, would've Larry taken it? Or would've he opt again for the path he eventually travelled, a path filled by rejection and isolation, fuelled by an unsurpassed belief, and resulting in one of the most peculiar tales in human history. I'd hope he'd pick the latter, the world is not short of everyday people, instead the world needs individuals, people who are a little different and the stories that come with them, and when it comes to Larry, perhaps his story is the most extraordinary of them all.<br />
<br />
to be continued...<br />
<br />
-SamuelLynnEvanshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07612549713316243322noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8740018404700791828.post-9469720980909122822011-10-13T02:47:00.000-07:002011-12-05T05:16:40.593-08:00SpinelessI had a friend by the name of Tim<br />
He was accustomed to people walking all over him,<br />
Used to being a peasant by the throne,<br />
He lamented the day that he grew a backbone.<br />
Because his friends would now say<br />
'Oi Tim! Make us some tea!'<br />
And he'd now say<br />
No.<br />
<br />
And they were shocked!<br />
And they were stunned!<br />
They said now, now Tim,<br />
You're no fun.<br />
And they cast him out on his own,<br />
And he lamented the day that he grew a backbone.<br />
<br />
And so he came to me to ask for some advice,<br />
And I said woah Tim, slow down,<br />
Firstly go make me some rice,<br />
And while he did this I came up with an idea real quick<br />
An idea I was sure would do just the trick.<br />
And he followed the plan<br />
And now people walk all over him and don't realise all day<br />
As right now he's lying down dressed head to toe in grey,<br />
Pretending to be part of the pavement.<br />
<br />
So if you walk down the street,<br />
And you hear the odd 'Ow!'<br />
Just remember that's Tim,<br />
And he's happy now.<br />
<br />SamuelLynnEvanshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07612549713316243322noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8740018404700791828.post-53741439901435908502011-10-13T02:26:00.000-07:002011-12-05T05:17:12.556-08:00Batman and The JokerThe Joker lay on the floor, foiled again. Sprawled across another scene of narrowly-averted disaster, he seemed unusually numbed, his ever-present and scenario-independent sense of self-smugness and gratification appearing to have deserted him. Indeed there was no laugh this time as batman put the cuffs on, there was no manic cackling or threats of 'oh you wait and see Bat! This isn't over yet', instead just a sigh. A tired, tired sigh. A long sigh as well, the kind of sigh which says 'You know, I''ve just had enough of this all'. The sigh finally ended, and the Joker muttered 'You know, I've just had enough of this all', confirming any preconceptions regarding the meaning of the aforementioned sigh this narrator may have had.<br />
<br />
<a name='more'></a>'Why don't you just kill me? Get this over with, for good', he asked, delivering the request solemnly, while carrying an air of authenticity and weight to his words which would enable Batman to tell that this wasn't just some post-failed hijack funk that he had got himself into, but that this request was perhaps something he genuinely wanted, something he'd been thinking about for some time. The Bat's sense of justice remained unwavering however, and in his gruffled voice he tells the Joker that he can't; that he must send him back to prison. The joker then exclaims that he'd honestly rather be dead than back there, to which batman says 'Are you crying?', to which the Joker says no, but he is.<br />
<br />
A lifetime's worth of battling with the Bat boils inside the Joker, he sudden recalls every demonstration of Batman's relentlessness, swagger, arrogance and most of all that inscrutable sense of self-empowered justice he wears so smugly, it all swills and mixes until the Joker cannot help but erupt "You're a real asshole sometimes."<br />
<br />
"You ride around all the time on your high horse or 'bat mobile', which is a pretty gay thing to call your car, I mean you don't see anyone else doing that... There's not a plumber out there who calls his van 'the pipemeister 5'... And you make out that you are completely incorruptible, that you would never kill anyone, but what about Liam Neeson in the first film? When you said that you wouldn't kill him, but that you didn't have to save him and then let him die, and die he did, because of the fight you were having. Isn't that essentially just killing someone? I'm not sure if I agree with that logic. And now you won't kill me, even though it's something I'd genuinely prefer to being in prison, as if you believe you are the naturally empowered last say in how people should be punished for their deeds. Killing me would stop this endless cycle of battling, it would spare the 100s of others who will be caught in the crossfire of our continued feud, why can't you just end this, why can't you do us all a favour, why won't you kill me?!"<br />
<br />
The Batman knelt down and looked the Joker square in the eyes, before licking a salty tear from upon his cheek. "Because I... Because I love you", he confessed as sheepishly as a nine year old boy passing a note of romantic intent, "I always, you know, liked your purple suits and stuff...". Their eyes caught and shot an understanding at each other that instantly resolved theirs years of abuse and conflict. The joker leaned in for the kiss, but Batman called him a queer and punched him in the face. He whisked the Joker off to the station and - despite all - in the end, the night ended ever so familiarly, with the Joker back in prison, crying, and Batman back at the mansion, whipping himself in an effort to purge his homosexual thoughts.<br />
<br />SamuelLynnEvanshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07612549713316243322noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8740018404700791828.post-31140318471343712342011-10-05T06:57:00.000-07:002011-12-05T05:17:44.977-08:00So Long HoneyA vacuum moves through me,<br />
It tingles inside wherever it goes,<br />
It makes me feel anxious and empty,<br />
It makes time move so slow.<br />
<br />
I don't see the point of anything any more<br />
Without you.<br />
I don't want to go to the beach,<br />
To the park, in the car,<br />
Anywhere particularly far,<br />
Anywhere close<br />
<br />
I suppose I'm sorry I had to let you go.<br />
<br />
You're sorry too, sure,<br />
I can tell from the way you look and lure<br />
Me with your perfectly maintained physique,<br />
Arriving at all these parties ever so chique,<br />
You then tart yourself round the coolest cliques,<br />
Locking lips with a boy or two, or even a girl,<br />
While you pretend not to,<br />
Though I know you stare at me while doing so.<br />
<br />
You are too sexy.<br />
I am too drunk.<br />
<br />
I take you in my hand<br />
I take you outside<br />
I light you on fire as you do me<br />
I'd missed you<br />
I breathe you in more deeply than I ever have wished to before<br />
Unnerving satisfaction at every touch of our lips<br />
And I sudden realise I'm finished,<br />
A minute gone, it's the quickest we ever did this.<br />
<br />
I stub you on the floor.<br />
<br />
The deed done,<br />
And with it, whatever passion there was<br />
That would've had me want this<br />
Instantly evapourated.<br />
<br />
Lust leaves,<br />
Clarity returns, carrying the bad times,<br />
The physical abuse you gave me,<br />
How you trapped me.<br />
How I wanted out.<br />
<br />
I look at your brown and withered end laying on the floor,<br />
I decide this time to be the last.<br />
But know it will be hard<br />
With all the drink at all the parties I know<br />
Both you and I intend<br />
To attend.<br />
<br />SamuelLynnEvanshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07612549713316243322noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8740018404700791828.post-36533692075446497772011-10-03T05:38:00.000-07:002011-12-05T05:17:23.906-08:00Some FeminismWomen are on the front of every magazine. Magazines directed at men will have a woman on the front, as naturally a woman is the object of man's desires and so it will sell. Magazines directed at women will have a woman on the front also, as women want to be like that woman on the front and, in doing so, become an object of man's desire. In essence, our magazines - which only reflect out culture - are dominated by men's desires, where the only desire of the woman is to be something that a man wants. This is quite sad I think, women should be promoted to have more of their own, independent desires, so maybe there should be more magazines with like kitchen cleaners on the front or something.<br />
<br />SamuelLynnEvanshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07612549713316243322noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8740018404700791828.post-60675445725531727022011-10-03T05:19:00.000-07:002011-12-05T05:17:32.576-08:00ThomasThomas was unusually afraid of death. He'd lie in bed, kept up til early hours while his mind would endlessly play out processes of aging, decay and demise. His sleep became thinner, as did he, who gradually grew gaunt from exhaustion. He tired further and further, while in turn any barriers which existed separating his weary thoughts of the night and his more alert and relevant thoughts of the day began eroding, and it was not too long before he limped through his days in a half-lucid dream, crippled by this ever present fear.<br />
<br />
Thomas was a man who snapped,<br />
Life for him was too much<br />
When death was attached,<br />
And his fear of ceasing to exist<br />
Lead him to fling himself off a cliff,<br />
Sillily then causing<br />
His existence to be ceased.<br />
<br />
He realised the apparent irony in his final act, and couldn't help but chuckle to himself one last time, before his head and back cracked on the jagged rocks below.<br />
<br />SamuelLynnEvanshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07612549713316243322noreply@blogger.com0