Batman and The Joker

The Joker lay on the floor, foiled again. Sprawled across another scene of narrowly-averted disaster, he seemed unusually numbed, his ever-present and scenario-independent sense of self-smugness and gratification appearing to have deserted him. Indeed there was no laugh this time as batman put the cuffs on, there was no manic cackling or threats of 'oh you wait and see Bat! This isn't over yet', instead just a sigh. A tired, tired sigh. A long sigh as well, the kind of sigh which says 'You know, I''ve just had enough of this all'. The sigh finally ended, and the Joker muttered 'You know, I've just had enough of this all', confirming any preconceptions regarding the meaning of the aforementioned sigh this narrator may have had.

'Why don't you just kill me? Get this over with, for good', he asked, delivering the request solemnly, while carrying an air of authenticity and weight to his words which would enable Batman to tell that this wasn't just some post-failed hijack funk that he had got himself into, but that this request was perhaps something he genuinely wanted, something he'd been thinking about for some time. The Bat's sense of justice remained unwavering however, and in his gruffled voice he tells the Joker that he can't; that he must send him back to prison. The joker then exclaims that he'd honestly rather be dead than back there, to which batman says 'Are you crying?', to which the Joker says no, but he is.

A lifetime's worth of battling with the Bat boils inside the Joker, he sudden recalls every demonstration of Batman's relentlessness, swagger, arrogance and most of all that inscrutable sense of self-empowered justice he wears so smugly, it all swills and mixes until the Joker cannot help but erupt "You're a real asshole sometimes."

"You ride around all the time on your high horse or 'bat mobile', which is a pretty gay thing to call your car, I mean you don't see anyone else doing that... There's not a plumber out there who calls his van 'the pipemeister 5'... And you make out that you are completely incorruptible, that you would never kill anyone, but what about Liam Neeson in the first film? When you said that you wouldn't kill him, but that you didn't have to save him and then let him die, and die he did, because of the fight you were having. Isn't that essentially just killing someone? I'm not sure if I agree with that logic. And now you won't kill me, even though it's something I'd genuinely prefer to being in prison, as if you believe you are the naturally empowered last say in how people should be punished for their deeds. Killing me would stop this endless cycle of battling, it would spare the 100s of others who will be caught in the crossfire of our continued feud, why can't you just end this, why can't you do us all a favour, why won't you kill me?!"

The Batman knelt down and looked the Joker square in the eyes, before licking a salty tear from upon his cheek. "Because I... Because I love you", he confessed as sheepishly as a nine year old boy passing a note of romantic intent, "I always, you know, liked your purple suits and stuff...". Their eyes caught and shot an understanding at each other that instantly resolved theirs years of abuse and conflict. The joker leaned in for the kiss, but Batman called him a queer and punched him in the face. He whisked the Joker off to the station and - despite all - in the end, the night ended ever so familiarly, with the Joker back in prison, crying, and Batman back at the mansion, whipping himself in an effort to purge his homosexual thoughts.